OH HELLO BLOG CREATURES FROM THE OTHERWORLDS AND PLACES OF THE THINGS WITH THE STUFF AND ALL THAT LACK OF GRAVITY AND STARS.
Or whatever. Man, I don't know you. If you'd just let our love grow tall, like that song says, by someone I can't remember, then we could truly get to know each other.
Alternately, I could just hate on everyone in the galaxy. That works too.
ANYWAY. HOW ARE YOU?!?!?!
I have been a long time gone from the blogosphere, and I wish I could say I've been doing something Excellent, and Exciting, and Adventurous, but mostly my holidays have consisted of the following:
-Playing Pokemon Red on Gameboy Colour. Oh yes. Look at me being indie. Sometimes I even wear oversized cardigans and boots and too much jewellery and listen to Bright Eyes and feel melancholic on trains in the dying sunlight.
Mostly I just get shitty at water pokemon though. WHO THE FUCK EVEN CHOOSES SQUIRTLE, EVERYONE KNOWS HE'S LIKE THE MILHOUSE OF THE POKEMON WORLD.
"QUIET CHILDREN! NO ONE LIKES MILHOUSE!"
- Eating. During semester, my life consists of living entirely on A) Caffeine B) Sugar and C)..... no that's about it. Caffeine and Sugar. In fact, I generally just subsist on double shot lattes and stumble around uni in a confused hallucination-filled stupor, occasionally scoffing sour peach hearts. MY LIFE - IT IS PRODUCTIVE. Thus, I generally lose about 5 kilos a semester, until it gets to holidays and I eat everything in sight 16 hours of the day.
As you might have gathered from previous posts, I have the scrawny underfed body shape of a newly born sparrow (incidentally, I also have the high-pitched shrieky voice of one). The point being, when I lose 5 kilos, I weigh approximately... not much, and also I wake up four days of the week at 6am for work/uni, so the bags under my eyes and general twitchy limbs make me look a little like an emaciated smack addict (I also function like one - see: jumpy, constantly craving something (not actually smack, just to clarify), bony, easily angered). ON THE UPSIDE. it has been holidays for approx. three months, and I now have some manner of body weight! EXCITING. ROUND OF APPLAUSE, LOUD NOISES, ETC ALL PRAISE ME. In order for this to happen I have eaten a world of food. A WORLD OF FOOD.
- Planning my 21st - I am entering the phase of Being Mature and Responsible for My Life and My Choices. I can drive a car. I can legally purchase alcohol and cigarettes. I wear make up every day. I wear high heels most days. I have two jobs and am nearing the end of my University Degree (TM). I make professional phone calls at my work. I am trying to find better paying jobs.
I FUCKING HATE GROWING UP. Man. The responsibility is something I have never been cut out for (things I am cut out for: sleep, eating, boozing, kissing, playing pokemon, facebooking, falling over things). And I have no idea how to deal with it. However, I have decided that the best way to ignore it is to throw a party and drink my memory away.
I feel I've made a fairly good start on this so far.
My friend P recently suggested my autobiography will be titled "Anna Hyde: I Was So Hungover".
IT'S FUNNY 'CAUSE IT'S TRUE.
- Catching up with The Boyfriend - The Boyfriend, B, was back in Melbourne for most of the holidays. I say "most" because B is some sort of musical freak boy who plays gigs everywhere and would often leave the state for a few days anyway. But we did get to catch up on a lot of things while he was here, being: Back to the Future Marathon (we both have crushes on Michael J Fox), the Sean Connery James Bond films (B has a crush on Sean Connery), swimming in the ocean in a ridiculously cheesy romantic manner, drinking, driving (not simultaneously), playing card games, mocking each other, and, obviously, the sex.
THIS WAS PLEASING TO ME. However, now B has gone back to Sydney and I probably won't see him for around a month or so. Which is much less pleasing to me. And also somewhat bizarrely, my fellow blogger, Damacus (whose real name, incidentally, is the same as B's) has moved away recently to the same state.
WHY FOR, Bs!!!!??? WHY FOR YOU ALL LEAVE ME?!?!??!
I lose all my bs, and am left only with the rest of the alphabet.
Over the course of the holidays I also realised something that I never thought I would (that was a very bad sentence, and for this I apologise, but my sinuses are about to eat the rest of my face in some sort of rebellion against being held captive in my skull, and TAKE PITY ON ME, I DON'T EVEN DO A DEGREE THAT REQUIRES STANDARD WRITING SKILLS).
I'm not sure about you, but often in the past I've seen couples wandering around, holding hands, looking very much in love, et.c etc. vom in my mouth. Although I've occasionally noticed those vaguely unsettling situations where the woman is a fair amount taller than the man.
There is nothing wrong with this. Not even a little bit. But still, I'd often look at those couples and think, "But... doesn't he feel... emasculated? And... how does that even WORK?"
I thought these things, quietly, to myself, until I realised something lately.
I have a penchant for wearing ridiculous heels. I mean, 6 days out of seven, I wear 2 - 5 inch heels in everyday life. B is approximately an inch taller than me.
DO YOU SEE WHAT I'M GETTING AT??!?!?!
When I wear heels, I am gargantuan tall giraffe woman who towers over my boyfriend....
...
...
...
And I don't hate it. I find it fantastically funny being able to look over his head in my 5 inch heels.
And while it's kind of nice to be the short one, like it's kind of nice to be the little spoon and feel all protected and stuff, it's also nice to be all: "YO, I BE AN IN-DE-PEN-DANT WO-MAN BITCHEZ. Hear me roar in my tallness and almighty power of awesome height etc. etc."
Sometimes, you learn things.
Finally, on a closing note, I discovered something extremely unsettling in my work's kitchen tonight. My boss is a health food freak. One of those people who drink "Tasty, Healthy Shakes" and eat "Delicious, Nutritious Food Bar Replacement Foodstuffs" instead of eating Real Food (TM) for meals. Apparently his healthy obsession extends to removing sugar and caffeine from his diet. This sickens and repulses me for obvious reasons, but as I went to make a coffee tonight I discovered "Caro: Delicious Cereal Beverage".
What is a Delicious Cereal Beverage you ask? What does it do? What does it taste like? How does it work? Isn't it an oxymoron in itself? Why does it exist and what twisted individual decided to make a drink lacking in anything that tastes vaguely okay that is also part food through some confusing system I can't possibly understand?
These questions: they will be spoken throughout the universe forever more.
xx
