He Do the Police Voices Different

I'm too rational to post right now, but I am so I guess the whole causality idea just went to hell... Well without further ado or regret, here's my take.

D.I.D.'s getting hard (Only 2nd post... this ain't good...), the disorder and the blog, I mean. It's hard to balance this with Musings, specifically knowing which posts are relevant to which blog. My first post here was a rejection of my regular blogging habits on 'that blog'. You sort of have to accept that a journalistic medium like this is gonna seem personal and just keep reminding yourself there are more shameless bloggers out there (... no, I think I'd come in pretty close to the most shameless, hehe!). In advance an apology to anyone who follows Musings, I think thematically I've done this before but can't be screwed checking, this is me posting during the day so deal with it.

Now that that business is over I can start.

2nd introduction, well, yesterday I woke up at 7:00am for the first time in a long time. Because of this newfound capacity for self improvement and it's property of catharsis from what would have been contemplation and dread of an imminent job interview, I did my routine workout. I think I'm way too defensive about this, it just seems to seem intensely vain I suppose. The funny part is how it stems from a different kind of self awareness. I don't do it for affirmation, I don't go to a gym, hell I don't even use equipment, it's discrete because it's different. I know, I said it in musings but I'm riddled with a fear of people's inability to accept my capacity for change. Basically it's self improvement internalised and hence in vain... now conveniently externalised pulling the whole point to the ground. Well that's probably the humble grounding of my day in self awareness, my fear in a handful.

3rd, I dress in pretense for ego levitation. What better way to look the part for this group interview? Considering it's a warehouse... maybe not advertising a frame that's still below 60kg... I think we're in rat's alley now. Ironic that upon entry we're greeted by a man retiring after 25 years of service who'd broken his leg and was retiring... The dead man had lost his bones. Upon entrance I was the most capable in the room, that was what I had to be regardless of how unsuited I was. I sat over with the other prospective engineers, knowing nothing, seeing nothing and remembering nothing. The unnecessary intellects. So I infected the interview with irrelevance. This went on for the two hours that were advertised as one, until we were all chauffered out.

4 now. Arriving home spelled further action. I set about seeing what I could do to avert the fate I forecast in engineering at RMIT next year. Ablaze with passion I was prepared to rationalise the future as being what I wanted. I did more research into courses than I did before I put down my preferences. Probably more than I did last year as a whole. Finally an engine of action, naive in clairvoyance yet sightlessly mechanical, I planned out my every action with no regard for the multitude of plays mounted against mine. A plan doomed to failure ignited by hope.

5th. Well I tired of this and instead made myself tea and grappled with Allen Ginsberg's 'Howl'... surely I've made my pretense known by now... But it'd be a lie to say I worked through it effortlessly. I drowned in the thing, how was I supposed to pick up on the 1950's references and understand what a briefly institutionalised, substance abusing beatnik was trying to to say. Not to say I didn't enjoy it though, My eyes gaped like pearls from the bottom of his ocean.

And 6, I suppose from there I found inspiration... or insanity, ideas reverberated like thunder. I was in that night time state anyone who read any of my other blog posts knows about. I introduced the element of expression.

Well... that's my introduction... why not a blog post? hehe, as if, I can't be screwed anymore, even I'm getting sick of the pretense this is swimming in, seemed like a better idea last night... It still seemed relevant to this blog...

Hehehe!