Its them Jews thats the problem!

Now I've caught your attention I plan to bore you with the non-event that is my life.
Like most pseudo interllectuals of our generation I've spent the last two days sitting on my ass bitching about how I have no job and making little to no effort to improve my current situation. To fill the time between meals, the gym and the ocasional job application I have been playing the great "Football Manager 2009". Trying my hardest to add an new dimension to a game which I have clocked 12 days of game time since school finished (whats most worrying about that fact is thats small compared to other people's WOW and COD accounts)I decided to conquor the Italian League. Taking the generic option of Inter Milan i managed to conquer all in my path completing an unprecidented treble of the Siere A, Coppa Italia and Champions League.

Now enough of boring you with details of my game time on possible the most boring game in history and onto the serious bit. I come to a realisation that it is games like this, FIFA, NBA Live etc. That will soon render all sport obsolete. I mean if a kid can instantly be a superstar on Fifa then why bother making the effort to get to training twice a week in the freezing cold and rain(OK we live in Melbourne scratch the rain) if he can dominate the highest leagues of Europe and slam home a World Cup winning goal from the warmth and comfort of my own bed.

Now I can see all you boffins (Ben) and kids who were never good at sport and therefore pretend to hate it when deep down they just wish it was them in a little 3-d character running around on the PS3(couldn't think of an example Matt you'll do). Well my problem is this. If there is no longer sport then what sense of primal tribalism will we maintain? How will we get one over the old enemies like England and those horrid dirty Kiwis? If the kids are all too busy playing video games how will we as a nation be able to expose ourselves on the world stage, cause lets face it we have no culture.

The only reasonable outcome I can come to from all this thought is that a decrease children participating in sport will lead to a decrease in professional sports players. Once the walking billboards disappear who will the evil multi-nationals turn to in order to force their products down our throats? And how will we "get one" over the auld enemy? And here is where the problem lies.

Our desperate need to prove ourselves greater than other nations will lead to an increase in militarisation of Australian troops, and a possiblitiy of a tyranical dictator siezing control of our nation. But this is impossible you say! Where will the funding come from? Well there are no longer sports teams to sponsor so the corporations will turn to the military. This funding in return for a prime spot on the solidiers torso will lead to the imminent invasion of one of our greatest sporting rivals, New Zealand. Our dictator will see this victory as proof we can take on the world... until the USA unleashs its neuclear arsenal upon us.

So the moral of this story is, kids put down the controllers and go and kick a ball outside cause you might not kick the world cup winning goal but you may just save our fine nations.