So finally free.

I'M FREE! My year of hard work and study involving assignments, research, laboratory reports, tutorials, and lectures is over! Who am I kidding? I have been pretty much free all year. I have been hearing my friends, one by one, rejoicing about their new found free time that they have after exams and study have finally finished, and I felt the same upon leaving my last exam. Chemistry; the bane of my existance. I vowed to drop chemistry at the end of this year and after my exam I walked out with a skip in my step because not only did I not have to study chemistry anymore... I didn't have to study anything for about 5 months. Now, I am not the type who really studies at all; I feel bad for people who wanted to be in my course but missed out on the enTER who probably deserve it more because they will work harder. The freedom that I feel is not freedom from study, it is freedom from worry about how I will get through the next biology lab without having read the chapter about microbes, or how I will join in the discussion during my criminology tute when I haven't been to a lecture since week 2. This freedom, I thought, was just as good. Alas; it is not.

I finished my exams less than a week ago and already I am hearing the boredom attempt to creep up behind me; it is failing to creep as it is a dirty whore who wears high heeled shoes and my house is full of hardwood floors... THAT'S WHY I CAN HEAR IT! If it would only be sensible and wear flats it would be able to pounce on me without me noticing its presence until it was already too late and I was engulfed by the gluttonous belly of the boredom beast. (Yes boredom is gluttonous; boredom is a fat whore in high heels with too much pride to wear flat shoes after 6pm unless she is going to the supermarket on a Tuesday after 11pm in which case she is often seen wearing too much make up, tracksuit pants, a singlet that is too small for her, and some ugg boots). Anyway, the freedom that many of my friends are enjoying allows them to finally relax and concentrate on earning a bit of money while still making time to hang out with their friends during the hot, sweaty, summer months. I have been relaxing all year while concentraring on earning a bit of money while still making time to hang out with my friends, the only difference now is that I have lost the excitement and drama of having deadlines that I constantly ALMOST miss. Without a little drama in my life I will probably just shrivel up and die.

My school slash uni holidays usually fit into the same pattern where everything I do falls into 5 categories and 1 almost category.

CLEANING SLASH ORGANISING
The most exciting passtime for me during these periods of nothing involves 3 day long adventures in which I move everything out of my room and rearrange it all so that my cupboard is colour coordinated, my DVDs are in alphabetical order, and my shelves are spotless. Once my room has been taken care of, I inconsiderately move things around in other rooms and sift through our storage to find things that we put away before extending the house many years back so that I can laugh about how lame my diary was or jump for joy at finding a book containing an Aboriginal story about a baby sun getting lost from the mother sun and then getting bitten by a snake, which upon reading will still make me cry. Being organised makes me so happy and usually it lasts about a month before everything is moved and nothing has a real home; but this time my room is still immaculate from last holidays so I have NOTHING TO REARRANGE. I may just die a little bit.

SEX
During the school year I seem to have an adequate amount of this, but in the holidays there is too much time. There is no need to study or to get up early, and so the result is endless opportunities to have 'the sex' and do other things relating to 'the sex'. The thing is, during the uni year there is also a lot of time for 'the sex' in comparrison to the school year, so this year the holidays wont be that much different. Again, we lack the drama and excitement here.

WORK
I have been working 5 days a week for some time now because I am an absolute machine (working on front end at Safeway really takes a lot of effort). In the old hell hole of a store which I loved to pieces (literally, it was falling to pieces) we had heaps of fun. In the old store and during renovations we had many interesting adventures, usually involving the roof collapsing from excessive rain resulting in a flooded store, but in the newly renovated place nothing crazy ever happens. I will admit that our 2IC of front end getting punched in the throat was pretty crazy but I wasn't there so I don't count that is excitement for me (he is ok by the way... nobody panic). In the new store I basically just stand at self serve and listen to customers complain about how these machines are taking the jobs of young kids; I smile and nod while wishing I could yell something along the lines of "IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO FUCKING USE MY MACHINES THEN LISTEN TO ME WHEN I TELL YOU WHY IT ISN'T WORKING INSTEAD OF YELLING AT THE SCREEN AND THROWING THINGS TO THE GROUND! WHY ARE YOU EVEN USING THE MACHINES IF YOU THINK THEY ARE STEALING JOBS OFF POOR YOUNG CHILDREN! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOU COMPLAIN! I AM THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW MUCH I HAVE TO LISTEN TO COMPLAINING EVERY DAY! NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET OUT OF MY STORE YOU TECHNOLOGY ILLITERATE TOSSER!" Something along those lines, not exactly that of course. Anyway, holding back the urge to punch many customers right in the ovaries does not exactly count as interesting or exciting; it just kind of makes me need to pee.

COMPUTER
There isn't really much that can be said about how uneventful a computer can be. I spend about 80% of my day on the computer if I am not working on that day. About 70% of the time I spend at home involves a computer. This includes facebook, terrible blogging, tumblr, youtube, downloading music, and watching television shows from my hard drive on my computer screen because I am too lazy to get an HDMI cable for my mum's house and also too lazy to take the one from dad's with me to both places. None of this is very exciting, except when you hear that pre-battle music on Bleach that is the same before nearly every intense fight, then you know shit is going down.

FRIENDS
I am not the sad loner that I sound like on D.I.D a Mess I swear; I actually do have friends who I hang out with on the odd occasion. This category includes going out without drinking because I haven't been paid since Wednesday, going out and getting a little tipsy, going out and getting really drunk so that I am stupid enough to enjoy the music and the Hawthorn, and getting aboslutely slaughtered so I am stupid enough to text everyone in my phonebook with an impressively coherant message stating that I need to take a massive dump, or something of the sort. It also includes shopping trips on which I have fun, but always spend too much money which results in my being poor and not being able to drink when I go out. My friends are incredibly fun and interesting, but not very dramatic. CURSE YOU HOLIDAYS! Why can you not provide me with the intesnity that I so desperately crave?!

FOOD
Now, food doesn't really need its own category because it fits into all of these categories, but I love it so much that I wanted to give it a little bit of a mention. In the first category, aka cleaning slash organising, food lives just in the next room in the ice cave of wonderment (aka the fridge). I make multiple trips to the ice cave of wonderment to retrieve snow juice (usually milk or delicious coola cordial; and what the hell kind of flavour is 'coola' anyway?) or delicious fluffy snow treats (such as cheese, hazelnut chocolate, green olives, and savory shapes which are by far the best flavour, that's right all you BBQ lovers.. BBQ shapes are just awful). These snacks are brought back to my batcave (aka my room) during the cleaning process to keep my energy up for the long task ahead. In the second category aka sex, you wouldn't think that food would have any part in it right? Or you would think that food only had a dirty 'I-want-to-smother-you-with-whipped-cream-and-chocolate-sauce-so-I-can-lick-it-off' sort of inclusion; but you would be wrong. I don't know how many of you out there are like me, but there are certain food that I eat that just make me want to make out with somebody; and no it's not the normal things that people say make you randy like oysters anad crazy herbal tea! If I eat some tira misu you better believe I am going to find someone to make out with. After a good souvlaki all the boys better hide because the first one I see will be face raped. What can I say; I love my food. In the third category aka work, food is most important on my breaks. Sure, at the service desk we often have a packet of lollies that were found 'broken' and needed to be written off, but on a long shift in which I have 3 breaks, I feel the need to buy food in all of them even though by my ast break I am never hungry. Work makes me fatter! In the fourth category aka computer, the food is often right next to me while I munch away and watch Bleach. This is why there are many food crumbs inbetween my keys. In the fifth category aka friends, food is just food. We always eat way too much especially when we are bored. The worst offender is Shady Lewis from my other blog; when we are together we just eat sugar coated sugar and drink. Food fits in with all the otehr categories but in its own special way. It is amazing and one of my favourite things in the world; I would die without it (wait... duh). The thing is, food is not DRAMATIC!

As you can see there is not much excitement to be had in the holidays. There is, of course, many fun times to be had, but nothing that can't be done during the uni year and nothing that involves enough tension and excitement.

I apologise for the long post today, but I know how you all love me and miss my writing so I thought I would give you a large helping on which you will probably choke and die. Anyway, the point of this story is that if nobody provides me with some sort of deadline that will impact on my happiness I may have to to move to America to join the Russian Mafia to provide myself with some sort of excitement. I thirst for the blood of the innocent...
Thanks for reading.
-Renji