'Fools' said I

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Don't say it.
I know I said this place was dead, and I stand by that... the crappy poll is all the proof anyone should need. Anyway, I'm posting... y'know, considering Tongs is sort of a deity he'd better address his flock... or space cadets? Do you prefer that?

So cadets... lately bitching about 'UNUSversity Syndrome'... yes, that is Latin humour, and I know, I've lost my edge, seems to be the direction these posts are going so I'm jumping on the bandwagon.


'Hi! I'm Matt! I really hate the way 'I'm' flows effortly into my first name, I also hate the monosyllabic abbreviation and the annoying alliteration between my first and last name my parents didn't think about. It's heavily indicative of a inclination towards self loathing... wha? You DON'T innaccurately psychoanalyse everyone you meet with your shameless self taught discredited knowledge?. This laughably uncharacteristic enthusiasm is causing my kidneys to rebel with all they've got, so the wincing is me having my own hyper acidic urine shot straight to my heart, not the fact that I don't want to be here. By the way, it's acidic because I eat bizarre stuff for attention!! I have a book, I write poems in said book like a homosexual infantryman. Did I mention my musical tastes span over half a millennium? Yeah, I don't shake hands like that... but thanks? Later do you want to get tea and I can throw the topic of my own suicide around like it's Freud's entire psychoanalytic theory! HAHAHAHA!! OK, awesome, wait, I feel morose and morbid... you realise you're wrong because you believe in things right? Yeah, it's better to play the nonchalant nihilist... by the way... I can hypnotize people... and I hallucinate... ALOT, if you see me looking at your feet it's me making sure they're rooted to the ground so it's safe to talk to you out loud. Oh it's your friends! This is hard enough as it is, so you're cool with me flatly ignoring them out of social ineptitude and not wanting to start another of these conversations? That's cool I feel like blogging anyway, it's this crazy thing where I just angst out hard beans of solid wisdom that people awkwardly stumble across and seek to leave the quickest way they can. Oh, these guys I know praise me wildly for it too, temporarily reversing the inferiority/superiority complex!'

Honesty is the worst policy imaginable. We are a bunch of filthy awesome liars.

Well if this proves anything apart from the fact that if this guy can even have people who'd consider themselves FACEBOOK 'friends' shows a world heading in the wrong direction, it's me desperately and weakly concealing the fact that I. CANNOT. MEET. PEOPLE. IN. REAL. LIFE. OK, some weird guy you end up stuck tolerating on MSN or something says he taught himself hypnotism, yeah that's messed up, but we'll run with it. But when he leans over the table and stares right into your eyes licking his lips saying he can inhibit a state of 'suggestibility' in you... your mind starts to come up with it's own conclusions... completely ignoring the fact that I only really use it to sleep, trip out while still being able to give a Lower Murray Livestock Award winning urine sample and lock my legs up for the associated and deeply subjective humour of developing a temporary subconscious barrier to movement...

Establishing people is difficult, eccentricities are the spice of life itself, to lose them would have me locked in a french kiss with a 12 gauge... Uuugh... But you know it's okay when you at least have someone who knows all that crazy junk you're gonna pull... and how to sedate you when the paranoia kicks in etc.

YEAH WELL I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU.

I only have those people who already avoid me for said eccentricities. I'm up there failing solo... and disturbingly beginning to like it. I'll be honest, I type more words than I actually say. Sad, but grossly true. I am becoming a uni loner and revelling in it. I might as well be taking a vow of silence, actually, I've always wondered whether if monks and stoners and overweight metal heads and stuff take vows of silence, does that replace chastity for 48 hours so they can basically go for whatever isn't secured with the gift of consent?... and from behind and in the dark for everything that is?... But I digress, the point is, I'm back to that annoying stage where I show up at a gathering and lose my voice in 20 minutes because I'm not getting the valuable vocal exercise McDonald's isn't endorsing? I think it's fantastic to see that fast food mega corporations are picking up the government's slack, it's harmony the only way we could realistically hope for... through mutual indifference towards everything that doesn't hold stock value...

I spend my breaks now in the park writing, in my zen garden watching people and subjecting them to my scathing, hypocritical mental criticisms or letting birds and stuff land on me. Seriously happened, I feel like the hispanic guy from Captain Planet... who NEVER really had any point where his power could solve something fire couldn't, he was the writer's cynical attack on Mexican laxness concerning automotive pollution. Yeah they're trying the best they can, AMERICA *HOO-RAH!* is fixing the problem with 9% of households fitted with energy saving lightglobes (WHICH ARE COOL, DON'T BELIEVE THE HATE. SERIOUSLY THEY'RE A TENTH AS BRIGHT AS NORMAL FAUNA SLAYING GLOBES, WHICH IS BRILLIANT FOR GLOOMY MOOD LIGHTING!!), Lots of bright posters and a dude who can just burn anyone who tries to preach global warming like the heretic's deceit it is. Hmm, so forced humour aside, I'm reaching the sad stage where it's eight weeks in and no demographic will give my scarred, barren pelvis a second look...

I've got to be really honest here though. I can't really say I care. I can do what I want, when I want and don't have to put up with someone bitching for the sake of it, then when presented with the outcome, eats half of it in finally excessive acknowledgement that wasted an hour and a half and in that disgusting inebriated way that can make even NACHO LASAGNE!!! *crosses self and bows to the west* look unappetizing... So yeah, it's cool with me, I don't see what you guys are all bitching about...

RIGHT! The exponential increase in the degrees of sanity separating us! Well, because this is 2010, and all roads lead back to facebook... the new update adds nicotine... look at your TRIPLE DIGIT list of friends... now let's be realistic, there're a few you just deal with by thinking of amazing self esteem raping retorts you could theoretically deliver. But seriously that's alot of people, look how many are online... click one... Start a GODDAMN conversation. For a bunch of people who sleep with phonebooks reaching for the 900 mark to complain about not having anyone is mighty annoying. There is a number, dial it. TALK. For the love of Pleroma, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I can guarantee someone else in this solitary confinement the bastards in suits call polite society will have no problem with picking up.

Just leave the naively romantic, lone wolf style to the professionals is all I ask. *winks and bows*