HEY EVERYBODIES. This is a critique/essay written by occasional blogger & regular wearer of crappy facial hair Frankly Less Than Amusing and yours truly. It's on the subject of this awesome as song by Bindi Irwin. Enjoy.
CROCODILE TEARS OR POST-MODERN MANIFESTO?
— A Deconstruction of Bindi Irwin's "Save Me"
From a thematic perspective, Bindi Irwin's environmentalist critique of modern capitalist society, 'Save Me' deals with issues of violence, death, cruelty and freedom. The narrative is penned by the oppressed flipper of what we as the audience guess to be a humpback, southern right, or other 'baleen' whale. Thus, Irwin uses the technique of personalisation in order to to give the 'whale song', pun intended, its resonating and chilling tone. From the outset, the role reversal of Irwin's sonata places the greed and cruelty of humanity at the fore, prompting the audience to contemplate and reflect on their place and responsibilities as custodians of the seas. Themes of death are interwoven amongst the narrative, as our 'friend', the 'giant of the sea' calls upon the collective conscience of society to protect the freedoms that we as humans take for granted and apply them to our 'warm blooded and skin covered' relatives. A self-conscious awareness, an ability to contemplate mortality and to contextualise identity is inherent to the text. Subsequently, Irwin brings our protagonist to recall times before the reign of man - to times of a 'wonderful blue planet...before humans overran it'. This blatant environmentalist agenda seeks to undermine man's hegemony on the ecological stage and subvert the traditional notions of state actors as justified in their exploitation of wildlife. Thus, Irwin's 'Save Me' is a timely and reflective narrative that deals with pressing and contemporary issues in a style that engages the reader on a spiritual and social level. A piece that epitomises the self-reflective and post-modern nature of the youth of today, both brilliantly constructed and immaculately executed.
On a more personal level, the devastating psychological conflict of the tweenage poet resonates throughout her lyrics. When listening to the track, it becomes immediately clear that Irwin's "whale" persona is an anthropomorphic projection of her inner existential turmoil. This is a sharp allusion to a long line of animal allegories which Irwin would have no doubt encountered, such as "The Rainbow Fish" (a striking, if hamfisted plea for the immediate introduction of a global socialist state) or "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" (a stark reimagining of Buddha's Fire Sermon and the emancipation from material desire in a consumerist world gone wrong). The overt phallic imagery of the opening line; "Save me, from the man with the harpoon gun"; is a desperate plea for girlish innocence in a world of patriarchal lust. The lyricist, on the cusp of puberty, desperately clasps to the pristine blemishlessness of childhood, where she and her cohort remain "winged angels playing games in the ocean blue". Irwin feels the palpable loss of this Edenesque state, and cries to be saved as the waters of the abyss surge above her impractically large Khaki collar. Man, the hunter, the bringer of death, takes on an a predatory, even Nabakovian character as he and his "boats that catch and slaughter" ruthlessly engage in the corruption and destruction of this crumbling child. However, "Save me" is more than a futile plea for the preservation of sexual innocence; entwined through the work is a curious dialecticism that jostles with the primary message for prominence. The major turning point in Irwin's artistic life is undoubtedly the premature demise of her father. Steve served his daughter as the loving protector of "Eden" – her innocence, and more superficially, the environment – against the ghastly machinations of perverse, self-serving hunters. Yet Irwin the Elder was felled not by an agent of man and his all-tainting industrial empire but one of the very creatures he devoted his life to protecting. The object lesson of this bloody cataclysm is that nature – Gaia if you will – is an amoral force and a fickle mistress that is at once majestic and terrible, she slays her allies as unflinchingly as her foes. The bitter paradox at the heart of Irwin's spiritual narrative is that the erosion of nature and innocence was initiated by nature and innocence itself. Sexual maturation, the eradication of our orcine brethren through natural selection and parental death ala stingray are all inherent aspects of the thing we call life, a phenomenon that despite it's "freedom in the water" is perpetually self-eroding and ultimately self-destroying. This is a profound microcosm of the 21st century predicament: that with the rise of anthropogenic global warming, nuclear arsenals and relentless overconsumption, life itself has become it's own greatest threat. The true tragedy of "Save me" is Irwin's gradual realisation that to fight against such inevitably is folly; and like a pigtailed Kierkegaard or a wallaby loving Plath, she finally sees that her only choice is to join her beloved father in the "deepest ocean". Indeed Bindi, the deepest ocean of all.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Paint Yourself
Put on your Jungian Hack Hazmat's, because I'm venting.
Here's the deal with life, it's got these wheels called motivation. Some people get up every morning because they've got dreams to work on, some people would rather have someone next when they open their eyes because they want to be understood.
I can only get up when I'm pissed off.
I am alive to see the red.
The last couple of months irritate me. They haven't irritatED me, they're getting to me now. Basically I find an excuse and like the good little patient I've been, I take every pill in the fucking box. Skipping on commitments is the quickest way to nihilism, I've been convinced I don't care.
People before mirrors are filthy liars, thing is people make for the best mirrors around... and breaking them doesn't sum up to seven years bad luck. We are our own affliction, every problem, every gripe, it's all on the shoulders of the guy on our driver's licences. 'I'm trying something new', 'I've been drinking', 'Lately everything's gone wrong'. These have been my big three in the last few months. No more excuses, I do bad things because I think one day someone's coming to save me.

I think I don't care because I don't. Why should I care? I'm living an intravenous life. I'm more profitable alive, so someone sees to it. Hell, even today I've been refusing to breathe and someone's been doing it for me. Anybody who knows me is aware that I haven't been properly employed for years now. Why bother? I'd have to walk among more of the army of cardboard cutouts. There's a government willing to pay for my necessities. I'm not going to die if I fail, I just get a participation award. One that I've been getting too proud of.
So I've turned my mirror on myself and it's reflecting my darkness. It hurts and it should. The dead are the only ones beyond repercussion. Ask any artist, it's the shadows that add depth. But this is ridiculously addictive. People can spend their entire lives struck blind by the allure of their malaise. I find I fall in love with my own solitude. It explains why I screw up around people, it's a passport for unwarranted insecurity. The white lie here is that a lack of selfishness makes me a good person, my obsession with treating other people right is the justification behind Caucasian M #6288439562227849. No, just no. On the flip side, it comes from looking at people in fear. Looking at people and thinking, 'one day, you could be this'. I fear for my own identity. Stupid, considering I have no idea who the hell I am anyway. I tremble at my mimicry, I shiver at the anchor of aspiration lying amongst these people, I scream at the beckoning mass grave.
These were my saviours. These people just as small, frightened and lost as me. I want their appreciation why, again?

I haven't lost my faith in humanity. On the contrary, if anything I've finally found it. We exist in ourselves, behind drawn curtains, iron bars and then buried. It's about looking at your own conundrum. What makes sense? What doesn't? What can be resolved and how? What can be cut off like a gangrenous limb? Can I stand the pain? There are the people who keep this in mind and the people who'll do anything to ignore it. The people who can look at everyone and understand that noone fully understands and the people who think too much of themselves or expect too much from everyone around.
It can be horrific, really coming to grips with what is and what isn't meant to be. Having your dream turn to a nightmare all around you. Then came the wrath. The fury to cut it all away, to sever the black fingers restraining my arms, to tear away the white mist over my mind.
And now I'm red with my own blood. My own blood I pulled back. Red and ready to live for all I'm for and opposed to what I'm not. To move on from what should be left behind. Sure, I still don't know where the hell I fit. That's not a problem. I know too much to call myself an intellectual, still, as has become widespread knowledge by now, I'm way too dumb to fall in line with the backbone of our society. I've got my own measure for success and I think I'll just stick with that...
...
... And there will always be room for MY CHEESY HEROIC LAMENESS!!!




In summary: I need to get out more and stop stressing myself into illness...
Love & Justice and all that cal
TONGS AWAY!!!
Here's the deal with life, it's got these wheels called motivation. Some people get up every morning because they've got dreams to work on, some people would rather have someone next when they open their eyes because they want to be understood.
I can only get up when I'm pissed off.
I am alive to see the red.
The last couple of months irritate me. They haven't irritatED me, they're getting to me now. Basically I find an excuse and like the good little patient I've been, I take every pill in the fucking box. Skipping on commitments is the quickest way to nihilism, I've been convinced I don't care.
People before mirrors are filthy liars, thing is people make for the best mirrors around... and breaking them doesn't sum up to seven years bad luck. We are our own affliction, every problem, every gripe, it's all on the shoulders of the guy on our driver's licences. 'I'm trying something new', 'I've been drinking', 'Lately everything's gone wrong'. These have been my big three in the last few months. No more excuses, I do bad things because I think one day someone's coming to save me.

I think I don't care because I don't. Why should I care? I'm living an intravenous life. I'm more profitable alive, so someone sees to it. Hell, even today I've been refusing to breathe and someone's been doing it for me. Anybody who knows me is aware that I haven't been properly employed for years now. Why bother? I'd have to walk among more of the army of cardboard cutouts. There's a government willing to pay for my necessities. I'm not going to die if I fail, I just get a participation award. One that I've been getting too proud of.
So I've turned my mirror on myself and it's reflecting my darkness. It hurts and it should. The dead are the only ones beyond repercussion. Ask any artist, it's the shadows that add depth. But this is ridiculously addictive. People can spend their entire lives struck blind by the allure of their malaise. I find I fall in love with my own solitude. It explains why I screw up around people, it's a passport for unwarranted insecurity. The white lie here is that a lack of selfishness makes me a good person, my obsession with treating other people right is the justification behind Caucasian M #6288439562227849. No, just no. On the flip side, it comes from looking at people in fear. Looking at people and thinking, 'one day, you could be this'. I fear for my own identity. Stupid, considering I have no idea who the hell I am anyway. I tremble at my mimicry, I shiver at the anchor of aspiration lying amongst these people, I scream at the beckoning mass grave.
These were my saviours. These people just as small, frightened and lost as me. I want their appreciation why, again?

I haven't lost my faith in humanity. On the contrary, if anything I've finally found it. We exist in ourselves, behind drawn curtains, iron bars and then buried. It's about looking at your own conundrum. What makes sense? What doesn't? What can be resolved and how? What can be cut off like a gangrenous limb? Can I stand the pain? There are the people who keep this in mind and the people who'll do anything to ignore it. The people who can look at everyone and understand that noone fully understands and the people who think too much of themselves or expect too much from everyone around.
It can be horrific, really coming to grips with what is and what isn't meant to be. Having your dream turn to a nightmare all around you. Then came the wrath. The fury to cut it all away, to sever the black fingers restraining my arms, to tear away the white mist over my mind.
And now I'm red with my own blood. My own blood I pulled back. Red and ready to live for all I'm for and opposed to what I'm not. To move on from what should be left behind. Sure, I still don't know where the hell I fit. That's not a problem. I know too much to call myself an intellectual, still, as has become widespread knowledge by now, I'm way too dumb to fall in line with the backbone of our society. I've got my own measure for success and I think I'll just stick with that...
...
... And there will always be room for MY CHEESY HEROIC LAMENESS!!!




In summary: I need to get out more and stop stressing myself into illness...
Love & Justice and all that cal
TONGS AWAY!!!

Saturday, October 23, 2010
always comes a time
So it would be that procrastination time of year once again which leads me to becoming once again another tedious soul broadcasting waste. I can assume the only reason you would be reading this would be because a similar plague troubles yourself.
So onto a post of somewhat interest and the thing that has been tinkering in my thought box of late has been the notion of death. Not in the depressing sense of loss but more of what there is to come. The whole idea of being conscience and suddenly not is both terrifying but simultaneously intriguing. Personally I have struggled with this idea since I was about four years old which I remember as paralysing fear. Since then though it has developed into genuine interest, how can you be content with your life when there is always so much more? It has become apparent that the only reason I fear death is more the fear of all that I won’t get to experience.
To me it’s not all about the time you have but how that time is spent and whether or not you can experience the real important things to yourself in that life. This arises the issue where I sometimes find myself questioning myself, should I be rushing off to experience as much as possible in as quick as possible or should I be doing the responsible thing and building up to a wealth of experience through education hence employment and the opportunity to really experience a lot of these things properly with maturity?
Sometimes I find I become much too focused on aspects of my life that I tend to leave relationships and experiences behind without fully taking the opportunity they offer and then end up racing back to play catch up back to where I was. It is silly but it’s a frequent occurrence. So as it stands currently I am back on this quest to find what I lost. It starts of simply just with actually talking to people again but it’s forgetting to those things that locks yourself out of your own life.

So I guess the question I am really coming to after all this diverging all over the joint is how do you want to be remembered? In the end I guess that is all you have control over because death comes and goes as it wills but memory humans can create. If it was up to me right now I think I would wish to be cremated and have my ashes spread somewhere people can sit and just be happy. I find grave yards depressing places and if I have to spend eternity somewhere it may as well be a place people still can laugh…
So yes post your thoughts on the issue I hope it did not come across as depressing it was not supposed to its just death kind of has an image it cannot shake. Also below are some more links to some of these photography collections if you are interested…
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Just wear a tshirt
After such a long absense from the blogging world (the blorld? The wogging? The bworld? I don't know), the the prodigal son has returned! Just like in the famous parable told by JESUS HIMSELF, one son (of the farmer or of the D.I.D a Mess blog) selfishly left the other son (or sons) to do all of the work while he persued other dreams. The only differences between Lieutenant Renji's surprise comeback to the D.I.D a Mess rant space and the Bible story are that nobody seems to care that I am returning; there will be no feast starring the 'best pig', I did not leave to live in the fast lane and drink myself stupid until I eventually ended up living in a pig sty eating from their troughs; I just got lazy and used my energy to study, have sex, and watch television (sometimes all at the same time), and finally, that I did not take my share of the family inheritence with me when I left. Where is my money Damacus? I ask this of Damacus because I see him as the father of this blog, although I could go behing his back and ask the more caring figure in the family who is, of course, the mother of the blog; Crucible Tongs. C Tongs, where is my money? Since I did not get a feast in my honour upon my return to the farm (or blog), I think that I should at least be entitled to my inheritence for much squandering (although said squandering was technically supposed to happen during my period of absense in which I was supposedly mindlessly wandering and buying myself alcohol and multiple hookers). Actually this situation is only vaguely similar to that of the bible story and should really not have been used as an example at all.
So that introduction went on for far too long but I enjoyed writing it too much to cut it down at all. It also had nothing to do with what I am writing about (which I still have not decided yet). Let's just pretend that it never happen and move on with our lives. ONWARD!
Tonight I went out with my mum, my sister, and my sister's boyfriend David for dinner. It wasn't anything special, we just went down to the Blacky because mum had just come back from visiting nonna in hospital after a major operation and didn't want to cook. David wasn't coming originally but mum told Roxy that she should call him and invite him. I love David and he is very sweet, but I have to admit that I was a bit sad that she did not also suggest an invitation for my 'friend' Shady.
For those of you who don't know, I also write in another blog which is not as good as this one (except for the posts by Shady Lewis), with one of my exboyfriends. He is a super amazing boy who I have so much in common with its not even funny. It's a long story, but to get to the point all you need to know is that we broke up halfway through year 12. After that I had a boyfriend for 7 or 8 months and at the moment we have a thing. I don't like the phrase "we have a thing" because it sounds so... I can't think of the word for it but I just don't like it. Basically, he is an almost boyfriend but I can do what I want when I'm not with him, and so can he. Now, his parents seem to be under the impression that I am his girlfriend which I don't mind honestly, and it is understandable since I stay there at least once a week, sometimes more if I am at my dad's appartment for the week (it's much closer to his house). On the other hand, my mother was CERTAIN that he was gay and just a good friend of mine. Once when he came over, he and my mother had a lengthy discussion about how much he loved the 60's furniture; you can see where this theory came from. It's not just my mum either, apparently many people get the 'gay vibe' when they first meet him, a sense that I didn't get when we met.
Ok, Shady's sexual preference (STRAIGHT) is not the point here, the point is that I was quite happy with this whole situation of my mother not knowing that I was going to his place to engage in many sexual activities until tonight when she told Roxy to invite David out with us. Listening to my sister try and convey to David that we weren't going anywhere special ("just wear a tshirt... no she is just wearing her shit kmart runners... no don't wear a singlet") I thought about how I wanted her to want me to call Shady to see if he wanted to come, but I didn't say anything. When we got there, my sister and her boyfriend went to get a drink, and I asked my mum if she liked David as much as she liked Mysterious Follower. WOW shock horror guys, Mysterious Follower and I went out for almost a year between year 10 and year 11 and my mother still wants me to marry him. "He's such a nice boy, even though he is a bit shy. He is really lovely you should marry him." Anyway, she said that she loves David just as much. I then asked her what she thought of Shady. Apparently she thinks he is a really nice and the best dresser our of all of my friends. Then she asked me if he was my boyfriend; I didn't really know what to say. I don't see my mother approving of an 'open relationship' I guess you would call it, although I am not a huge fan of the term. She warned me that sleeping around is bad (thanks mum, how slutty do you think I am?). I told her that he was sort of my boyfriend, but not really; which left her confused so I then changed the subject.
I am now going to avoid this topic with my mum until I can think of a better way to word the details of the situation; or until I am forced to tell her that Shady and I want to use the beach house for a bit in the summer holidays. It's safe to say that mum no longer thinks that Shady is gay, but now she thinks I am sleeping with 400 boys including Shady Lewis.
OK well I know for a act that Shady will read this, and I was hoping that he would be kind of happy that I finally sort of half mentioned this to my mother like he wanted, but I am speaking to him now and he, as usual, said something about my mum. Before I go Shady Lewis, I just think I should mention that telling me about how annoying my mum is, although it may be true, is not a good choice for you; I love it when my boyfriends don't like my mum... -_- It's not her fault that she doesn't know what's going on; it's because I don't tell her. Give the woman a fucking break. Also, many people think you are gay; it's not just her.
I don't want to finish this post on a note of annoyance so I just have to say that aside from the hating my mother part, Shady is near perfect and I better eventually have a chat to my mum about him so she doesn't keep asking me if all of my male friends are my boyfriend (especially when Shady is at my house when she asks). Ok, to be fair to Shady, my mum is a massive bitch and I want to punch her in the face 99% of the time, but really Shady, it's MY job to say that. Thanks for reading.
-Renji
So that introduction went on for far too long but I enjoyed writing it too much to cut it down at all. It also had nothing to do with what I am writing about (which I still have not decided yet). Let's just pretend that it never happen and move on with our lives. ONWARD!
Tonight I went out with my mum, my sister, and my sister's boyfriend David for dinner. It wasn't anything special, we just went down to the Blacky because mum had just come back from visiting nonna in hospital after a major operation and didn't want to cook. David wasn't coming originally but mum told Roxy that she should call him and invite him. I love David and he is very sweet, but I have to admit that I was a bit sad that she did not also suggest an invitation for my 'friend' Shady.
For those of you who don't know, I also write in another blog which is not as good as this one (except for the posts by Shady Lewis), with one of my exboyfriends. He is a super amazing boy who I have so much in common with its not even funny. It's a long story, but to get to the point all you need to know is that we broke up halfway through year 12. After that I had a boyfriend for 7 or 8 months and at the moment we have a thing. I don't like the phrase "we have a thing" because it sounds so... I can't think of the word for it but I just don't like it. Basically, he is an almost boyfriend but I can do what I want when I'm not with him, and so can he. Now, his parents seem to be under the impression that I am his girlfriend which I don't mind honestly, and it is understandable since I stay there at least once a week, sometimes more if I am at my dad's appartment for the week (it's much closer to his house). On the other hand, my mother was CERTAIN that he was gay and just a good friend of mine. Once when he came over, he and my mother had a lengthy discussion about how much he loved the 60's furniture; you can see where this theory came from. It's not just my mum either, apparently many people get the 'gay vibe' when they first meet him, a sense that I didn't get when we met.
Ok, Shady's sexual preference (STRAIGHT) is not the point here, the point is that I was quite happy with this whole situation of my mother not knowing that I was going to his place to engage in many sexual activities until tonight when she told Roxy to invite David out with us. Listening to my sister try and convey to David that we weren't going anywhere special ("just wear a tshirt... no she is just wearing her shit kmart runners... no don't wear a singlet") I thought about how I wanted her to want me to call Shady to see if he wanted to come, but I didn't say anything. When we got there, my sister and her boyfriend went to get a drink, and I asked my mum if she liked David as much as she liked Mysterious Follower. WOW shock horror guys, Mysterious Follower and I went out for almost a year between year 10 and year 11 and my mother still wants me to marry him. "He's such a nice boy, even though he is a bit shy. He is really lovely you should marry him." Anyway, she said that she loves David just as much. I then asked her what she thought of Shady. Apparently she thinks he is a really nice and the best dresser our of all of my friends. Then she asked me if he was my boyfriend; I didn't really know what to say. I don't see my mother approving of an 'open relationship' I guess you would call it, although I am not a huge fan of the term. She warned me that sleeping around is bad (thanks mum, how slutty do you think I am?). I told her that he was sort of my boyfriend, but not really; which left her confused so I then changed the subject.
I am now going to avoid this topic with my mum until I can think of a better way to word the details of the situation; or until I am forced to tell her that Shady and I want to use the beach house for a bit in the summer holidays. It's safe to say that mum no longer thinks that Shady is gay, but now she thinks I am sleeping with 400 boys including Shady Lewis.
OK well I know for a act that Shady will read this, and I was hoping that he would be kind of happy that I finally sort of half mentioned this to my mother like he wanted, but I am speaking to him now and he, as usual, said something about my mum. Before I go Shady Lewis, I just think I should mention that telling me about how annoying my mum is, although it may be true, is not a good choice for you; I love it when my boyfriends don't like my mum... -_- It's not her fault that she doesn't know what's going on; it's because I don't tell her. Give the woman a fucking break. Also, many people think you are gay; it's not just her.
I don't want to finish this post on a note of annoyance so I just have to say that aside from the hating my mother part, Shady is near perfect and I better eventually have a chat to my mum about him so she doesn't keep asking me if all of my male friends are my boyfriend (especially when Shady is at my house when she asks). Ok, to be fair to Shady, my mum is a massive bitch and I want to punch her in the face 99% of the time, but really Shady, it's MY job to say that. Thanks for reading.
-Renji
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Putting Out Fire With Gasoline
Hey lovable scamps, Damacus here, it's been so long. I trust you're well. Minus the probable vitamin D deficiency and usual underexercised frailty I'm excellent, because I'm now officially On Leave Of Absence from university. I like saying On Leave Of Absence because it sounds so much more dramatic and impressive than it is, like I've finally taken a holiday after decades of High Court judging or have been mysteriously disappeared by the KGB. Underwhelmingly it just means that I'm not going to uni until I resume next year, either in the first or second semester, because I decided I needed a break. I feel like I've actually made a semi-important decision, which is pretty unusual for me, and I'm all ready to walk to Broome or become a Pokemon Master or something. Well not now, now my eyelids feel all saggy and melting like Rupert Murdoch's face. It's rather morningy and someone's awake considerately turning on the kettle, so I should probably make this brief.
By now I assume you're all Freaking Out At Our New Look. I decided that this humble abode was in need of a little change, as I was starting to get tired of the unfathomable ghost seagulls in the background, my own awful banner and the fact that MF spelled "tossed" as "tosed" on that little side description. Now we have an unfathomable city-bank-thing in the background, an exciting tan & black colour scheme and a supremely unfunny new description. But AT LEAST now we have a font with serifs, because we're not fucking philistines people. Kudos to Van Gough for the banner, ruining his colourscheme on PS made me feel like the hardcore #thuglife vandal anarchist that I am. Take that, establishment. I also decided to add the splendid countenances of our highest post-count bloggers. Unsure of what to put for Anna Hyde and remembering her catladyness, I chose one the amazing paintings of Louis Wain, the crazy cat painter. He was an English artist who lived from 1860-1939 who was manically obsessed with painting kittehs for his entire life. You can see the paintings getting increasingly trippy as his mental state gradually deteriorated. They manage to be really kitsch and sinister at the same time, like old episodes of The Collectors. Here's a collection:
...I assume shortly after this Wain sacrificed himself to his feline gods.
Well I'm off. Dream of cats forever more.
By now I assume you're all Freaking Out At Our New Look. I decided that this humble abode was in need of a little change, as I was starting to get tired of the unfathomable ghost seagulls in the background, my own awful banner and the fact that MF spelled "tossed" as "tosed" on that little side description. Now we have an unfathomable city-bank-thing in the background, an exciting tan & black colour scheme and a supremely unfunny new description. But AT LEAST now we have a font with serifs, because we're not fucking philistines people. Kudos to Van Gough for the banner, ruining his colourscheme on PS made me feel like the hardcore #thuglife vandal anarchist that I am. Take that, establishment. I also decided to add the splendid countenances of our highest post-count bloggers. Unsure of what to put for Anna Hyde and remembering her catladyness, I chose one the amazing paintings of Louis Wain, the crazy cat painter. He was an English artist who lived from 1860-1939 who was manically obsessed with painting kittehs for his entire life. You can see the paintings getting increasingly trippy as his mental state gradually deteriorated. They manage to be really kitsch and sinister at the same time, like old episodes of The Collectors. Here's a collection:
...I assume shortly after this Wain sacrificed himself to his feline gods.
Well I'm off. Dream of cats forever more.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
All Natural
Alo, alo adoring blog suckling wankers, because unrestrained animosity towards a nonexistent readership is perfectly cool... but not a good sign.
Ah, who am I kidding, I check this place on the hour so I think I'm the closest thing to a consistent follower we have... Well, noone's posted for a bit, I'm bored and I have other commitments I should see to, that's all the ingredients for a blog post I need.
Weeeeeeell, anybody whose had to tolerate drunken conversation with me knows I have a twisted, invasive obsession with people's random little stories about pretty much anything. Everyone's got stories to tell, and their often some of the best kind of inspiration as well... also not technically plagiarism, so that's a plus.
So, Crucible Tongs, keepin' it real with random boring things that have happened... the test at the end is nothing so feel free to zone out, scroll and deal with your weedy, stuttering, first world conscience later.
Alright, one thing I always remember that was pretty awesome was this one time as a kid when there was a fire in the Chinese restaurant under my dad's shady, no frills, strip mall office. It was at about eight o'clock one night and I think I was about seven or eight. The fire was out when we got there, it was nothing big, but I think it was actually in the ventilation that went through the office. So there's no real visible damage or anything major, it's not like I'm walking through the charcoal remains of the Golden Boat or whatever. I can remember we had to wait in the restaurant for insurance people or something, and the power had been shut off. The restaurant's owner was there, he was a middle aged guy who always wore this suit that reminded me of a butler, also the posture, he had butler posture if I ever saw it... and I probably won't ever again. He was holding a candle and standing talking to some staff. There were a few other candles lit, so I went off exploring the restaurant. I'll say it straight out, a Chinese restaurant by candlelight in the middle of the night is amazing. It's also really creepy turning around corners and being face to face with a dragon statue that's bigger than you are. Then walking by the tanks with live crabs and lobsters and stuff. The tanks were impossible to see into unless you got your face in really close and drew the emergency candle up close. I can remember looking down into one tank full of crabs and seeing my reflection encapsulating this shuffling mass of grey shells. The crabs would disturb the water's surface, then the candlelight would bounce around and distort my reflection. I could move the candle up to see a bizarre outline of my face, then below my face to shadow my features, all the while as the mess of legs and claws cast theirs in all directions under my face. Then as I drew away the candlelight spread out around the dining area, with upturned chairs on tables, painting a shamble of lines on the walls.
There was one time when I was at one of those hedge mazes somewhere. It was one of those things where you're still young enough to get dragged around to these things by your parents but old enough to be really put off by the fact that you don't actually know any of the other people there. It was late afternoon, it was one of those clear sunny days and the sky was just starting to go orange. If I ever do get seriously involved in artistic expression, I'm staying away from hedge trimming... it doesn't exactly lend itself to much in the way of presentation. I was walking a maze with the intense boredom that comes with being ten and fully aware that these hedge mazes are pretty much all identical. I'd given up on getting to the middle, not out of difficulty, I just remember being really in the zone that day, like my sense of direction was impeccable. I could've circled around and crept up on an axe wielding Jack Nicholson with ease. But when you're ten you assume you're the amazing one, not that they don't really make these things too impossible because no regular tourist would want to spend hours hopelessly lost. I was just doing laps to avoid somebody, probably parents or siblings or something, but then I heard this crying. It was one of those real little kid cries, the ones that are closer to screaming. I can never tell with those, it's like they could be really scared or just needing to be noticed. The kid came running around the corner, he was younger than me, probably five or so, but he just ran past, tears streaming, his crying more of a call to be found than frustration with his directionlessness. I walked past this kid more than once, he was just running in circles. He didn't look like he was even trying, just waiting for something else to bail him out. Then I got worried. I'd walked around too much, when you're not heading in a direction it's hard to work out where you came from. I started to run as well. My heart was pounding, I couldn't see this kid but I could hear him, I ran faster. Every dead end would stop the momentum. My heart would stop and I'd get scared, it was like a prison, one that just wouldn't let you out, no matter how hard you tried. I don't think the other kid was still screaming, I was in too much of a panic to notice. I remembered hearing a whistle blow, then this guy with a map and sunglasses came running around the corner... looking way too official for this. He came right up to me and told me I'd be okay. He looked at his map for a bit and then started to lead me out. I know he thought I was the one crying out and I really hated that.
Alright, that's all I can remember right now... but these are some of my random stories. If you read it and can think of anything at all, sound it off in the comments.
TONGS AWAY
Ah, who am I kidding, I check this place on the hour so I think I'm the closest thing to a consistent follower we have... Well, noone's posted for a bit, I'm bored and I have other commitments I should see to, that's all the ingredients for a blog post I need.
Weeeeeeell, anybody whose had to tolerate drunken conversation with me knows I have a twisted, invasive obsession with people's random little stories about pretty much anything. Everyone's got stories to tell, and their often some of the best kind of inspiration as well... also not technically plagiarism, so that's a plus.
So, Crucible Tongs, keepin' it real with random boring things that have happened... the test at the end is nothing so feel free to zone out, scroll and deal with your weedy, stuttering, first world conscience later.
Alright, one thing I always remember that was pretty awesome was this one time as a kid when there was a fire in the Chinese restaurant under my dad's shady, no frills, strip mall office. It was at about eight o'clock one night and I think I was about seven or eight. The fire was out when we got there, it was nothing big, but I think it was actually in the ventilation that went through the office. So there's no real visible damage or anything major, it's not like I'm walking through the charcoal remains of the Golden Boat or whatever. I can remember we had to wait in the restaurant for insurance people or something, and the power had been shut off. The restaurant's owner was there, he was a middle aged guy who always wore this suit that reminded me of a butler, also the posture, he had butler posture if I ever saw it... and I probably won't ever again. He was holding a candle and standing talking to some staff. There were a few other candles lit, so I went off exploring the restaurant. I'll say it straight out, a Chinese restaurant by candlelight in the middle of the night is amazing. It's also really creepy turning around corners and being face to face with a dragon statue that's bigger than you are. Then walking by the tanks with live crabs and lobsters and stuff. The tanks were impossible to see into unless you got your face in really close and drew the emergency candle up close. I can remember looking down into one tank full of crabs and seeing my reflection encapsulating this shuffling mass of grey shells. The crabs would disturb the water's surface, then the candlelight would bounce around and distort my reflection. I could move the candle up to see a bizarre outline of my face, then below my face to shadow my features, all the while as the mess of legs and claws cast theirs in all directions under my face. Then as I drew away the candlelight spread out around the dining area, with upturned chairs on tables, painting a shamble of lines on the walls.
There was one time when I was at one of those hedge mazes somewhere. It was one of those things where you're still young enough to get dragged around to these things by your parents but old enough to be really put off by the fact that you don't actually know any of the other people there. It was late afternoon, it was one of those clear sunny days and the sky was just starting to go orange. If I ever do get seriously involved in artistic expression, I'm staying away from hedge trimming... it doesn't exactly lend itself to much in the way of presentation. I was walking a maze with the intense boredom that comes with being ten and fully aware that these hedge mazes are pretty much all identical. I'd given up on getting to the middle, not out of difficulty, I just remember being really in the zone that day, like my sense of direction was impeccable. I could've circled around and crept up on an axe wielding Jack Nicholson with ease. But when you're ten you assume you're the amazing one, not that they don't really make these things too impossible because no regular tourist would want to spend hours hopelessly lost. I was just doing laps to avoid somebody, probably parents or siblings or something, but then I heard this crying. It was one of those real little kid cries, the ones that are closer to screaming. I can never tell with those, it's like they could be really scared or just needing to be noticed. The kid came running around the corner, he was younger than me, probably five or so, but he just ran past, tears streaming, his crying more of a call to be found than frustration with his directionlessness. I walked past this kid more than once, he was just running in circles. He didn't look like he was even trying, just waiting for something else to bail him out. Then I got worried. I'd walked around too much, when you're not heading in a direction it's hard to work out where you came from. I started to run as well. My heart was pounding, I couldn't see this kid but I could hear him, I ran faster. Every dead end would stop the momentum. My heart would stop and I'd get scared, it was like a prison, one that just wouldn't let you out, no matter how hard you tried. I don't think the other kid was still screaming, I was in too much of a panic to notice. I remembered hearing a whistle blow, then this guy with a map and sunglasses came running around the corner... looking way too official for this. He came right up to me and told me I'd be okay. He looked at his map for a bit and then started to lead me out. I know he thought I was the one crying out and I really hated that.
Alright, that's all I can remember right now... but these are some of my random stories. If you read it and can think of anything at all, sound it off in the comments.
TONGS AWAY
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