Just wear a tshirt

After such a long absense from the blogging world (the blorld? The wogging? The bworld? I don't know), the the prodigal son has returned! Just like in the famous parable told by JESUS HIMSELF, one son (of the farmer or of the D.I.D a Mess blog) selfishly left the other son (or sons) to do all of the work while he persued other dreams. The only differences between Lieutenant Renji's surprise comeback to the D.I.D a Mess rant space and the Bible story are that nobody seems to care that I am returning; there will be no feast starring the 'best pig', I did not leave to live in the fast lane and drink myself stupid until I eventually ended up living in a pig sty eating from their troughs; I just got lazy and used my energy to study, have sex, and watch television (sometimes all at the same time), and finally, that I did not take my share of the family inheritence with me when I left. Where is my money Damacus? I ask this of Damacus because I see him as the father of this blog, although I could go behing his back and ask the more caring figure in the family who is, of course, the mother of the blog; Crucible Tongs. C Tongs, where is my money? Since I did not get a feast in my honour upon my return to the farm (or blog), I think that I should at least be entitled to my inheritence for much squandering (although said squandering was technically supposed to happen during my period of absense in which I was supposedly mindlessly wandering and buying myself alcohol and multiple hookers). Actually this situation is only vaguely similar to that of the bible story and should really not have been used as an example at all.

So that introduction went on for far too long but I enjoyed writing it too much to cut it down at all. It also had nothing to do with what I am writing about (which I still have not decided yet). Let's just pretend that it never happen and move on with our lives. ONWARD!

Tonight I went out with my mum, my sister, and my sister's boyfriend David for dinner. It wasn't anything special, we just went down to the Blacky because mum had just come back from visiting nonna in hospital after a major operation and didn't want to cook. David wasn't coming originally but mum told Roxy that she should call him and invite him. I love David and he is very sweet, but I have to admit that I was a bit sad that she did not also suggest an invitation for my 'friend' Shady.

For those of you who don't know, I also write in another blog which is not as good as this one (except for the posts by Shady Lewis), with one of my exboyfriends. He is a super amazing boy who I have so much in common with its not even funny. It's a long story, but to get to the point all you need to know is that we broke up halfway through year 12. After that I had a boyfriend for 7 or 8 months and at the moment we have a thing. I don't like the phrase "we have a thing" because it sounds so... I can't think of the word for it but I just don't like it. Basically, he is an almost boyfriend but I can do what I want when I'm not with him, and so can he. Now, his parents seem to be under the impression that I am his girlfriend which I don't mind honestly, and it is understandable since I stay there at least once a week, sometimes more if I am at my dad's appartment for the week (it's much closer to his house). On the other hand, my mother was CERTAIN that he was gay and just a good friend of mine. Once when he came over, he and my mother had a lengthy discussion about how much he loved the 60's furniture; you can see where this theory came from. It's not just my mum either, apparently many people get the 'gay vibe' when they first meet him, a sense that I didn't get when we met.

Ok, Shady's sexual preference (STRAIGHT) is not the point here, the point is that I was quite happy with this whole situation of my mother not knowing that I was going to his place to engage in many sexual activities until tonight when she told Roxy to invite David out with us. Listening to my sister try and convey to David that we weren't going anywhere special ("just wear a tshirt... no she is just wearing her shit kmart runners... no don't wear a singlet") I thought about how I wanted her to want me to call Shady to see if he wanted to come, but I didn't say anything. When we got there, my sister and her boyfriend went to get a drink, and I asked my mum if she liked David as much as she liked Mysterious Follower. WOW shock horror guys, Mysterious Follower and I went out for almost a year between year 10 and year 11 and my mother still wants me to marry him. "He's such a nice boy, even though he is a bit shy. He is really lovely you should marry him." Anyway, she said that she loves David just as much. I then asked her what she thought of Shady. Apparently she thinks he is a really nice and the best dresser our of all of my friends. Then she asked me if he was my boyfriend; I didn't really know what to say. I don't see my mother approving of an 'open relationship' I guess you would call it, although I am not a huge fan of the term. She warned me that sleeping around is bad (thanks mum, how slutty do you think I am?). I told her that he was sort of my boyfriend, but not really; which left her confused so I then changed the subject.

I am now going to avoid this topic with my mum until I can think of a better way to word the details of the situation; or until I am forced to tell her that Shady and I want to use the beach house for a bit in the summer holidays. It's safe to say that mum no longer thinks that Shady is gay, but now she thinks I am sleeping with 400 boys including Shady Lewis.

OK well I know for a act that Shady will read this, and I was hoping that he would be kind of happy that I finally sort of half mentioned this to my mother like he wanted, but I am speaking to him now and he, as usual, said something about my mum. Before I go Shady Lewis, I just think I should mention that telling me about how annoying my mum is, although it may be true, is not a good choice for you; I love it when my boyfriends don't like my mum... -_- It's not her fault that she doesn't know what's going on; it's because I don't tell her. Give the woman a fucking break. Also, many people think you are gay; it's not just her.

I don't want to finish this post on a note of annoyance so I just have to say that aside from the hating my mother part, Shady is near perfect and I better eventually have a chat to my mum about him so she doesn't keep asking me if all of my male friends are my boyfriend (especially when Shady is at my house when she asks). Ok, to be fair to Shady, my mum is a massive bitch and I want to punch her in the face 99% of the time, but really Shady, it's MY job to say that. Thanks for reading.
-Renji