AverageChef

So it’s safe to say once again we are all well in a deep comatose of MasterChef fever this year. So it’s about time we ponder on its brilliance or should I say frustrating incompetence. I have to assume I am not the only one who finds themselves utterly frustrated every day of the week as this clearly terrible piece of production has some sort of strangle hold on their everyday lives. Someone tell me please there has to be an answer; I can poke a million holes in it but just not find a positive... Don’t believe me? Let’s take a closer look...

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A show based on cooking viewed at dinner time. I am sorry mother but it just makes me disappointed when I look down at my plate. I mean how can she compete with Kobe beef served with a side of fresh oysters collected by a goddess’s hand all of which are conveniently available at your local Coles?... apparently.  It just like back in school when the teacher said if you wanted to eat a lolly in class you had to have enough to share with everyone. MasterChef where is my feast dammit?! Even making this point has left my mouth watering and once again I am unsatisfied.

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Now to my next point; the show is so obviously guided by public opinion. It insults me they design a competition apparently based on talent when it is so clearly public opinion on contents that is the swinging vote. I know this cry has been made time and time again with the triumph of Julie last year but I really do feel it’s getting worse and at the rate its going next year all the judges will be receiving regular doses of food poisoning.

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The crying and the terribly typical family sop stories that really aren’t that moving. We live in the 21^st century we have a country full of people from all around the world with amazing stories. How can a TV show created for the sole purpose of entertainment choose the 25 most boring contestants? Where is the loveable Scandinavian giant with stories of his war torn homeland and how his gift for cooking came about while being forced to work in the kitchens of his corrupt government as they shot his friends around him for using too much salt? The single mum forced to work as an escort catering exclusively to visiting international chefs? Come on channel Ten get creative if I see another basket case I might not watch for a day... well at least think about not doing it.

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MasterChef is one of the highest rating shows on Australian TV each week. It is up there with the likes of the Sunday news and the big AFL and sporting events of the week. I ask you to spot the difference between the two. Did you notice the missing 50-50 ratio of advertising to content because I sure as hell didn’t? MasterChef is a gold mine for the advertising world and there really doesn’t seem to be a quality control on products either. I would assume that with a show demonstrating the fancier side of cuisine one would choose advertising to suit not every kind of possible frozen food product under the sun. Frozen food is lazy it doesn’t need to be compared to fancy food people aren’t completely retarded well at least 20%[1] are not. Lazy food sells itself humans are naturally lazy it is a proven scientific fact. Please just let me suffer through Masterchef in peace.

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And here we come to my greatest hatred of all... Mr Matt Preston. Seriously guys the Graham Kennedy Award for Outstanding New Tallent? I mean I admit I have been out of school for six months now and do not do anything language related anymore but did the meaning of the word outstanding change recently and I just didn’t get told? Every word out of his mouth is just terrible. I couldn’t even think of cheesier monologues to be used on National TV. What are his credentials because they seemed to be a little fuzzy? He can’t actually cook but has the ability to judge cooking because he eats food. Wait a second I eat food and I can act terribly pretentious could I be the next judge on MasterChef? On top of his other lovely attributes why do the producers insist on including footage of his grotesque eating habits? It just doesn’t make my average home style catering go down any easier. There is one thing that makes him just that little worse... that handy ultra ad... it speaks for itself... who’s with me and getting Viva instead.

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So basically I am still in the same pickle as I was before, why do enjoy MasterChef so much? There has to be something and don’t bring up the family bonding because my family has a brilliant ability to destroy any bonding moment by turning it into a violent argument which is what this viewing becomes.  There has to be something making us have this uncontrollable need tune in each day. It sure as hell beats me but I can’t wait for tomorrow night’s episode....