My shameless bias it's loses shame

T'was the night before Election

And all through the lower house,

Not a creature was stirring

Except for Kevin Rudd the member for Griffith who doesn't sleep any more he just stares into the middle distance and contemplates the irepressible chill that freezes his soul slowly from within.

...I think the meter needs work. 

It's election eve, and all of us hang our stockings up around the Polling Tree to see what presents the properly elected parliamentary Santa will  bestow on us. Will it be a paid parental leave scheme, or a paid parental leave scheme that's a bit better? Will it be a National Broadband Network or a National Broadband Network that's a bit not as good? Will it be a note saying "I.O.U 1 ETS" scrawled on a scrap of KRudd's skin or a pair of speedos with a bottle of sunscreen? 

Personally, I think that the Ms Claus is a bit better, and will be leaving milk and a cookie out accordingly. Not that one of her own face, by the way, that would just be weird. But I must confess that I shan't be voting Labor as my first preference. All through this blogging-countdown-process-thing I've felt a wee bit guilty about the fact that I have pretty strong opinions about this election. One voice inside me is screaming "You're BIASED you stupid fauxhemian naive eighteen year old lefty hack" where as another one is yelling "Hang on, you're not the freaking ABC – it's a blog about your personal views; being impartial isn't the point"; after which the first voice replies "The ABC? Which way do you THINK Kerry O'Brian votes?!"; to which the second voice answers "I'm not going to canvas any private conversations between Kerry and myself", then the first voice says "Oh well isn't that convenient you BARBARIAN.... Hang on how could you have had a conversation with Kerry O'Brian when you're nothing but an illustrative device used to justify an inevitable pro-Greens tirade and try to inject some filler into an idea that got old a week ago?" and then the second one says "Shut up douchebag way to break the fourth wall" and then finally Kerry O'Brian suddenly materialises to soothe their savage bickering with his improbably attractive cerulean gaze.

Yes I know I've blogged that before. But seriously look at the colour of that mumbling 67 year old man's eyes. It's the equivalent of God sewing Angelina Jolie's lips onto Kochie.

NO DAYS TO GO: MY GUSHING JOURNEY TO GREENLAND

Tomorrow I'm voting for the Greens. Whenever I tell someone this, I normally get one of the following reactions:

1) "LOL your always so zany what a great way to donkey vote! Politics is so boring, I'm gonna waste my vote 2! Cos they won't get into power, right? They're not popular enough to be President."

2) "Oh", followed by that intensely awkward look-away that screams I-think-you're-gullible-or-stupid-but-am-trying-really-hard-to-be-polite, like when someone mentions their weekly psychic appointment or says "I've been straight edge for a whole week now!"

3) "Yeah same. Let's bitch about conservatives and listen to Hack."

4) "Good for you. You do know that they want to ban fishing, get rid of Victoria's water supplies, get rid of electricity for ever and give out free heroin to children?"

To have a bit of a closer I look, I decided to go to a Greens forum-meeting-thing on Wednesday where Bob Brown was speaking. It was held in a hall at RMIT that was illuminated by appropriately lime-coloured light. The event was on because Adam Bandt, the candidate for the division of Melbourne, is actually looking he might win; he'd be the first Greens MP in the Federal lower house ever. Posters of Bandt, a white forty-something male with glasses and dark hair, plastered the wall. I was struck by the fact that he looks exactly like Stephen Conroy and Steve Fielding; and if someone were to cover them up with three giant cups then shuffle them around really really fast and then take the cups off again I wouldn't be able to tell which one was which. 

In the crowd, I did see lot of expected clichés: uni students, hippies, hipsters, gay people and serious socialists with crap facial hair. But the mix actually did surprise me. Though the cheerful audience was mostly full of teenagers and twentysomethings I saw quite a few middle ages and older faces, especially women, and one man with a walk frame who must have been in his eighties. For the record, I disappointingly only spotted one head of dreadlocks, and no hair worse than mine. We shuffled from the foyer bit to the hall and I sat four rows from the front, really close to a couple of senators. No big deal, that's just how I roll. I also wrote down illegible notes in a note pad so people would think I was some kind of suave investigative journalist.

 

After a brief wait were greeted by the Greens candidate for Somewherewheretheydidn'tstandachance, who introduced Adam Bandt. He spoke very well for a solid 40 minutes, which was probably 10 too long. Still, he was pretty funny and engaging and talked about the measures he'd try to put through for uni students (upping youth allowance and stuff), converting Melbourne to renewables and improving public transport. Then Brown stood up and delivered a more general speech on Greens policy; speaking about education, refugees, tax reform, same sex marriage and especially climate change. I've decided that Bob Brown is awesome, his reserved country monotone much more charismatic in real life. Both of them sprinkled their speeches with sharp but not dominating attacks on both the ALP and Liberals. The two hour forum ended with questions from anyone in the crowd, about topics ranging from mental health to private schools. The panel of three answered fairly, and Brown completely owned an obvious plant from the fishing lobby. They didn't disguise him well enough: even if it was green, he was the only person in the building wearing a tie. Bob also seemed to recognise him straight away, leaning across to whisper something to Bandt as soon as the guy stood up. The conversation pretty much went like this:

Green Tie Dude: Ever since I managed to bring myself to tell my 6 year old and 10 year old that Greens want to put a ban on recreational fishing, they haven't stopped weeping and are inconsolable. How could you do this to them?

Bob Brown: My Dad was a fisherman all his life, in the last century the world's fisheries have dropped by %80, we just want to bring in a %30 no-catch zone, as recommended by scientists, so that there are fish left for your children to enjoy.

*Green Tie Dude reveals himself to be Bob Brown Sr's vengeful cabin boy who was fired for trying to wipe out all marine life in an attempt to  become The King Of The Sea and lunges at Brown with the gutting knife he keeps hidden in his wooden leg but  is restrained by the power of love.*

Or something like that. The audience clapped and laughed at everything that even vaguely resembled a policy or a joke, but the vision was so Captain Planetastic and the mood so excited that it was hard not to join them. 

 

For the Record, my voting preferences shall be:

1.Greens

2.Sex Party

3.Labor

4.Libs

5.Family First

But I strongly advise you to do some last minute research and look into it for yourself, this is a big deal folks. And remember you don't have to vote for them same party in the senate as the house of reps. Toodlepip and all that. Happy voting.

democratically yours,

~Damacus